Responsibilities and Duties Of The Groom
Getting married can be pretty involved if you’re having a formal wedding, but it doesn’t have to be stressful and exhausting if you plan ahead and stay organized. Most of the stressors come from the fact that you’re doing all of this for the “first” time (and hopefully the only time). The thing to remember is this is supposed to be a happy time of your life, and so if things seem to get out of control or you get befuddled or confused, always go back to that thought: this is a celebration of your union with the woman of your dreams, not some military obstacle course you have to surmount in order to claim the prize! There is really no “fatal” mistake you can make in the planning process, because every blunder can be rectified, if in fact you make any. So if you make a mistake, no big deal, just go back and correct it. And keep smiling. Take things seriously, but not too seriously.
You and your Bride will approach the wedding planning process with a different set of experiences and feelings, and it’s important to understand this at the beginning to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. From a very early age little girls imbibe images of weddings and Brides as the ultimate female experience available to the homo sapiens species. Yes, for most of them this is THE big event of their lives, given the images and folklore they have absorbed practically through their pores since they were tiny little tinkerbells in mama’s arms. All the social stereotypes of Bride and Groom they took seriously as “the way things are ‘sposed’ to be.” They played with Barby and Ken dolls in wedding dresses and tuxes, for petesake, while you were playing with dump trucks and GI Joe! Hence, they carry a lot of preconceptions and anxieties about weddings and being a Bride. No corresponding cultural indoctrination about weddings exists for the Groom. Lucky you!
Decisions, Decisions
While the bulk of the burden of measuring up to wedding and bridal social stereotypes weighs heavily on the slender shoulders of your Bride, you, as the Groom, will have your own very special groomly decisions to make. These concern a number of events and aspects of the wedding and its related parties, gatherings and aftermath:
- The Rings
- Choosing the Best Man and Groomsmen
- Obtaining the Marriage License
- Obtaining Accommodations for Your Out of Town Guests
- Planning the Rehearsal Dinner
- Choosing the Tux and Accessories
- Planning Toasts and Speeches
- Arranging Transportation to and from Rehearsal, Rehearsal Dinner and from the Wedding to the Reception
- Buying and wrapping the Thank You Gifts for Groomsmen
- Being There for the Bride (Support, Understanding, Encouragement—this should really be at the top of the list!)
Other decisions and choices you are mutually responsible for with your Bride. These items and tasks can be somewhat delicate and require much diplomacy and sensitivity on the part of both partners:
- Establishing the Budget for the Whole Extravaganza
- Choosing a date and site for the Wedding Ceremony and booking it
- Drafting the Guest List
- Addressing and Sending Invitations
- Scripting something special for the Wedding Vows
- Planning the Wedding Announcement in the local newspapers
- Setting up the Wedding Gift Registry
- Choosing and arranging for the Music for the Wedding and Reception
- Choosing the photographer for the Wedding Pictures
- Planning the Honeymoon
These lists of who does what are intended as a guide, not as legal statutes for a wedding. Today’s brides and grooms play a much more active role in making important decisions about the wedding and paying for the services and gifts related to the wedding than in the past. Even ten or fifteen years ago the parents of both partners shouldered making most of the wedding arrangements and paid the tab for most of them. But these areas and tasks are flexible. There are no nuptial commandments etched in stone about who has to do what or pay for what, so the best approach is to simply divvy up the tasks according to capabilities and interests. It doesn’t really matter who does what, just as long as these things ”get done!” In a very real sense, though, traditions and customs can be comforting when dealing with something as emotionally loaded and potentially complex as a formal wedding, because rather than having to think it all through as if it had never been done before, they establish ground rules and responsibilities for you.
