Best Man Responsibilities and Duties

April 7th, 2010 in The Best Man Guide by About Grooms

Being chosen as the Best Man for your friend’s wedding is no small thing, and while it involves a lot of fun and hijinks, it also entails some serious responsibilities. Basically, in the most general sense, the Best Man’s functions are all about running interference for the Groom. Think lots of blocking and tackling, think getting him to the altar on time with everything he needs, think rounding up the Groomsmen and making sure they’re dressed right and right on time for every pre-wedding, wedding and post-wedding event. Yep, you got your work cut out for you, man.

But it’s not all work, by any means, because weddings are first and foremost celebrations and the party atmosphere hangs in the air over just about everything you’ll do as the Best Man. So don’t worry, be happy and just keep your list of “to do” stuff handy at all times and be prepared to add some items as necessary (the bride will help you there) and, occasionally, punt when things don’t go right the first time. Just smile, smile, smile, be patient-willing-cheerful and never lose your cool.

The Basic Best Man “To Do” List

The following task list is chronological order. Putting it in order of relative importance is pointless. If you ask the Bride, every single item should be underlined twice in red, highlighted and marked #1!

Have a frank, serious guy-to-guy talk with the Groom about his expectations of you and what he sees as your duties as Best Man. This will save both of you lots of grief later. Offer your suggestions, ideas and advice when you think they might be helpful or appropriate. Be honest about any concerns or nervousness you might have about certain watershed events such as the rehersal dinner or bachelor party. An open, candid discussion like this early on in the game can save you unexpected pratfalls and disappointments.
After getting your marching orders from Bride and Groom in this area, choose your attire for the wedding, whether it’s a suit, tux or a pair of baggies. Make sure the Groomsmen do this too. Get your monkey suit fitted so it looks good and is flattering. Make sure you have all of the proper accessories for the occasion, such as cuff links, ties, cummeerbunds, shirts, socks, handkerchiefs and shoes. Bear in mind that the way you look in this ensemble is going to be recorded for time immemorial in many, many photographs in the wedding album of two people very important to you. You want to look sharp.
After consulting with the Groom, plan the batchelor party. Pick a date, book the location for the date and reserve the refreshments and food, either with a caterer, a pub or a hotel. Do you want live music? Now is the time to book it. Do you want a DJ and other entertainment? Reserve them now. Along with the Groom agree on a tone for the party and length of time the party will last. If you are planning on a wild, raucous party do not hold it the day before the rehersal or the wedding, for obvious reasons. Hangovers are unbecoming and debilitating as we all know.
Check in frequently with the Groomsmen to make sure they’re on task and plan, haven’t already forgotten about the wedding and are planning a surfing sabbatical on that date in Hawaii. Word to the wise here: The further ahead the wedding is planned by Bride and Groom, the more likely Groomsmen are prone to “fall out” on you or just forget they made a commitment to be there. You have to stay on top of this if you want everyone to show up as planned, on time and looking good. If some of the Groomsmen have to travel some distance to attend the wedding, check with them to make sure they’ve made the necessary travel arrangements plenty of time in advance. Make sure none are planning on flying “stand by” for the occasion to save some coin!
Get crystal clear instructions from Bride and Groom about what they want you to do at the Rehersal, Rehersal Dinner and on the day of the Wedding. Write these down and save them. Don’t trust your memory on this. Heavy pre-wedding partying plays havoc with even the best memories and best laid plans. The traditional Best Man duties on these days are shepherding the Groomsmen to and from these events, making sure they look good and don’t get out of hand, giving a little speech at the rehersal dinner and a toast at the wedding and keeping the wedding rings until the moment they are called for during the wedding ceremony.
On the day of the wedding, the Best Man should have all of the above in hand and carefully laid out. But he also should be prepared for anything and everything that might go wrong because something always does. When it does, be prepared to step in and gracefully help resolve the crisis, and not try to blend in with the wallpaper to avoid involvement. The “it’s not in my job description” excuse doesn’t apply here because, in fact, everything imagined and only implied and even unexpected is in the Best Man job description. Simply smile, finesse and be cheerful and reassuring, and it will all work out, no matter how flushed and flummoxed the Bride or her mother may be or how piqued and provoked the Maid of Honor or other key celebrants in the wedding have become. They’ll get over it and, with humor and charm, you can help them do that faster.
After the Wedding the Best Man is traditonally expected to be helpful logistically in lots of little ways, though none as major or potentially calamitous as with the pre-Wedding and Wedding responsibilities. You might be called upon to ferry guests from the church or synagogue to the reception, transport gifts, arrange chairs and other minor whatnot sorts of tasks. You might want to assume the ring leader role in decorating the newlyweds’ car prior to their departure from the reception, but this old tradition seems to be less observed today than in years past. Instead harmless pranks and practical jokes are increasingly taking its place and the Best Man should have good reconnaisance on these so they do not spiral, under the influence of champagne etc., into something un-funny and damaging to property or peoples’ feelings.

By this time in the flow of matrimonial events your duties as Best Man are almost finished, for when the newlyweds finally take off from the reception, you can pull off those wingtips and too tight tie and relax, knowing you have done your job and done it well. Many happy memories have been made over the last few months, and especially during the last few days, and you and your smiling confident face figure prominently in most of them! Congratulations!